What's In The Toronto Star Today


When I got to the McDonald's today for their addictive coffee they had already dropped of the bundles and bundles of Toronto Star newspapers.

McDonald's at 6AM.

The Toronto Star once advertised itself as the most widely read newspaper in Canada. But most of the millions upon millions of newspapers it drops off don't get read: Homeless people use them as blankets or toilet paper.

One other excellent use for the Toronto Star is the ancient art of origami.


In today's Star is probably some article written by Heather Mallick about how she was a bitch in grade 4 and how if the Caravan heading toward the US border was granted asylum in Canada it would help the #MeToo movement grow and there will also be more openly gay 8-year-old boys.

After I get elected Hitler of Canada I will be banning the #MeToo movement because it's the most antisemitic thing that I've seen since the Soviets purged all of those Jewish doctors and cosmopolitans in the early 1950s.

Also, as Hitler of Canada, I will be replacing Justin Trudeau's carbon tax with a comprehensive program where the Canadian SS goes out and puts John Cusack in a burlap sack and throws him down a well.

But I will be sure to eliminate the Toronto Star to reduce their giant carbon footprint.