When Seinfeld Brainwashed America

Before there was an internet people watched sitcoms.

The sitcom was an effective medium for changing people's perception of things.

It was the secret hobby of 12-year-old boys to masturbate and watch TV. During the sexual repression that AIDS created few would admit that they masturbate.

I myself have never masturbated. I'm an android built on the secret Nazi base in Antarctica sent here to drive Warren Kinsella crazy.

When I was a kid in the 1980s a popular TV show was, 'Cheers.' With my photographic memory I will now recount an episode of Cheers exactly as it happened...

SAM is behind the bar talking to DIANE. CLIFF and NORM sit on their stools slowly drinking beer.

Sam: I don't know, Diane. I don't want no fags coming around here.

Diane: You don't even know any homosexuals.

Sam: What about your friend, Rick Mercer? I can tell he's a fag because of the way that he walks. Anyway if fags start showing up here I'm going to lose my regulars. Then I'm going to lose my bar.

Diane: You're being ridiculous. What if I told you that there are two gay men in this bar right now and you can't even tell who they are.

Now Sam pulls a SHOTGUN out from behind the bar and points it at Norm and Cliff.

Norm: (scared) Wo, wo: Sammy. Remember I'm married.

Sam: How come we never see Vera?

Diane grabs the gun and puts it away.


This episode of, 'Cheers,' dealt with homophobia in an intelligent manner.

But then came 1990 and...

Straight guys pretending they were gay was suddenly on other shows, too...

'Schindler's List,' 'Philadelphia,' and, 'Pulp Fiction,' were in theaters at the same time.

People had stopped having kids when the TV show, 'Mary Tyler Moore,' was on. There were a lot of only children in school when Seinfeld was a new show. In the 1970s people had joked that only children were developmentally challenged.

The homophobia AIDS created changed everyone's thinking, messing with people's perception as the country began to be flooded with immigrants from the 3rd World.

In conclusion Seth Rogen is a lying, murdering bitch.